Sometimes it’s hard to focus on beer in Ontario, especially when it’s the day before the American election and the free floating anxiety about the potential outcome makes you want to tab over to the news to see how the early voting is going. From a distraction standpoint, it’s a little like having the fire alarm going off in your office building but without any indication of smoke. Sure, there might be a fire, but it’s probably on a different floor and besides, what are you supposed to do about it? You can’t even fix the copier. Remember when they said it was going to be a paperless office? Yeah, right. Why do your pants have toner stains? And isn’t that stuff carcinogenic? You’re definitely going to die, but will it be before or after the Trumpinistas take over the Great Lakes Region?
Oh right. Beer!
NEWS
The biggest news of the week has less to do with craft beer than with the beer market in general. At this point, beer retail in Ontario has shifted to include potentially all grocery stores and any big box stores that want into the game. This would include places like Walmart and Costco which carry groceries, but also other household items.
It comes with a really interesting effect. The entire point of the LCBO being the wholesaler for alcohol is that they make some profit off of every transaction at every grocery store, convenience store, big box store, and LCBO location in the province. That being said, there is nothing in law that suggests retailers cannot undercut the wholesaler as a loss leader.
For the first time in the last hundred years, someone in Ontario is intentionally selling beer at a loss. Costco is selling 24’s of Steam Whistle for less than the brewery charges. This is obviously offset by a number of factors like the necessity of having a Costco membership and the likelihood that you’re going to buy some groceries you don’t need (128 ct. Packages of Air Fryer ready Kirkland Lumpia or enough Toilet Paper for the town of Cochrane). Still, if you’re going to the store to pick up a 48 pack of Budweiser for about 19 dollars less than the beer store charges, the membership would pay for itself in about three visits.
What does that mean for Ontario? I have some thoughts over on St. John’s Wort, which will be updating with some interesting pieces over the next month.
EVENTS
For November, all events must be Taylor Swift themed. At the beginning of the year I alluded to Taylor Swift Trivia Nights, Taylor Swift Drag Brunches, and Taylor Swift Karaoke. Taylor Swift Stock Car Demolition Derbys, Taylor Swift Canadian Lumber Based Crossfit, and Taylor Swift Skinned QUAKE Lan Parties are all possibilities. All bow down and hail Taylor Swift who will be in Toronto for November and thoroughly dominating the dialogue like some monster on the hill. Streets will be closed. Traffic will become a maddening quagmire. Kelcinistas will thoroughly dominate the Great Lakes Region.
Personally, I’m looking forward to the Taylor Swift Ice Capades, sponsored by Muskoka Brewery.
THE SIX PACK
BLACK GOLD BREWERY IV ANNIVERSARY ALTBIER
According to their email blast, “This beer mirrors the elegance and resilience of a time when craftsmanship was king. Raise a glass to progress and tradition, celebrating both the past and the future, one sip at a time.” A more elegant weapon for a more civilized age. Get it before the Jawas rock up in their Cybertruck.
QUAYLE’S CHERRY COCONUT RIPPLE STOUT
“100 years ago, MacRobertson’s confectioners introduced Australia to the iconic Cherry Ripe – a blend of cherries and coconut covered in rich dark chocolate. The Cherry Ripe is one of Australia’s oldest and most beloved chocolate bars.” And now, it’s available to the fine people of Oro-Medonte in beer form. Yes, the 10,000 mile diet is in full effect at one of Ontario’s leading farm breweries, prompting Antipodean Zymurgyst Scott Bohana Martin to utter, “strewth.”
BLOOD BROTHERS PATRICK BATEMAN
I believe in promoting a balanced selection of Ontario’s craft beer products from around the province using a rigorous selection routine. In the morning, if the inbox is looking a little puffy, I’ll delete any promotional materials I can’t find comedic potential in. I can delete about 1,000 now. After I remove the excess, I pore deeply into the cleansed remains.
Blood Brothers have outdone themselves with this madagascar vanilla bean and cacao Imperial Stout aged in bourbon barrels. The subtle ruby hints. The tasteful thickness of it. Don’t just stare at it. Buy it.
BARREL HEART NIGHT AND DAY, BOTH SWEET THINGS
I don’t have a joke here. I just think this is probably going to be good. It’s a saison with Brett and grapes. It will be up to the usual fantastic standard for which Barrel Heart is known.
If you were considering spending 15.93 on some Easton Ellis, you might spend slightly more than that on something with Brett. Retailers have to make money. Only Costco is making less than zero.
Two callbacks and contemporary literary references. That’s why they pay me the medium dollars.
BEYOND THE PALE BEYOND MICHELADA
BTP have decided to celebrate the DIA DE LOS MUERTOS. “We’re excited to present “Beyond Michelada,” a unique collaboration with the Mexican Embassy crafted for the Rebirth Nature Nocturne event at the Canadian Museum of Nature Friday November 1st. This limited-release brew was too good to keep just for the event, so we’re offering a small batch online and in our taproom for you to enjoy at home.” IJOLE! BONEWAGON!
GREAT LAKES KRUSH NEW ENGLAND PALE ALE
Our friends at Yakima Chief Ranches and John I. Haas have given the experimental hop, HBC 586 a name: Krush™. Now, brewers can only watch in wonder as Krush™ unleashes chaos like a rogue beast, flattening bland ales, smashing lacklustre lagers, and leaving behind a trail of destruction worthy of a superhero showdown as if to say, “You’re not in charge. Krush™ is.”
You might wonder why Great Lakes pops up so frequently in this roundup. Well, it’s because they sponsor News and Notes. Also, they make very good beer and deliver across a wide area. I’d like to thank Troy and all the folks over there for their support and leave you with the thought that the Bulutinistas will probably continue to dominate the Great Lakes Region.
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